The Kids Speak Out

Kids & IQ Scores

A rise in average IQ scores makes kids today exceptional by earlier standards was the headline of an article I just read.  If judged only by their IQ scores, kids today are smarter than any generation since IQ testing began.  We all think our kids and/or grandkids are the smartest kid ever birthed.  And now it may appear to be true.  It is believe that this is attributed to:  a richer intellectual environment; smaller families; testing dexterity and possibly genes.  I use to ask my grandson "how did you get so smart?" and he would apply "it's my brain, grandma." 

My only concern is if the teachers are able to keep up with these intelligent kids.  I have experienced some teachers that are lost when it comes to relating to kids in their classroom.  I hate to categorize it this way but it appears with some teachers the only way they know to relate to some of the kids in the classroom, who are completely bored with the average teaching that has been in place for generations, is to bully the student.  I believe it is the responsibility of the parent to check on the teachers to make sure their kids are being taught in the best way possible; considering our kids are getting smarter each and every day.  Let's not, as adults, stay complacent and think kids today can be raised and taught the same way we were raised and taught. 

Another way is showing a kid respect is to acknowledge how smart the kid is and compliment him/her each and every day on a good thing they have said or done.  I remember Reese Witherspoon at the Academy Awards this year thanked her parents for always supporting her and complimenting her.  Her comment was something like "even when I would make my bed, my parents would tell me what a good job I had done".  She said those compliments and support stayed with her in her life.

5 Ways to Show Your Kids Respect

In talking with kids they expect very little from their parents - really!  I asked them how parents could give them respect.  Their responses are simple, but I think they meet the kid's needs.

STEP ONE:  Kids love to talk and they love to have someone listen to them.  As you sit around the dinner table in the evening ask your kid "what happened to you today" and "what was the most fun you had today?"  It is important to keep it light. Kids do not necessarily want to hear your comments back to them - they just want you to listen.

STEP TWO:  They want their parents to show them courtesy and respect by saying "thank you" when they do something nice for you and "please" if you want something from them.  This shows the kids that you respect them the same way you want them to respect you - say it verbally.

STEP THREE:  When you have to discipline your kid they want to know and understand what they were doing wrong that caused them to be punished.   A yelling match and a spanking on the bottom without a "lesson to be learned" is nothing more than abuse.  The kids think it is the parent's responsiblity to explain to the kid why they are being disciplined.  Kids want to know their boundaries.  When they overstep their boundaries and get disciplined, without a clear understanding as to why, the lesson is not learned.  Kids said they don't mind being disciplined as long as know why!!

STEP FOUR:  Compliment, compliment, compliment.  By complimenting a kid you will build self esteen within your kid.  The one thing that I have noticed in interviewing kids is their lack of self esteem.  They are insecure little people and need reassurance every day that they are OK as a person.  Show them respect by complimenting them when they deserve it.  (When you receive a compliment as an adult, just take a moment to think about how it makes you feel - really good and more self confident - same is true with kids).

STEP FIVE:  We talk to our friends and relatives about our kids.  Show your kids respect by NOT talking about them when they can hear you talking about them.  Kids have big ears when they want to have big ears.  It feels to a kid like it feels to us if we hear other people talking to each other about us.  It does not feel very good.  It is like my grandson said to me once, "if my parents tell you anything I do wrong - just throw up your hands and say 'I don't want to hear about it'".  We need, as adults, to talk to our friends and relatives about our kids - it helps!  However, make sure your kids don't hear you.  This truly breaks down their self confidence and makes them think they are not OK.

Kids Want Respect

If you have a story you want to be told regarding kids, ages 6-13, be sure to submit them for consideration by e-mailing them to rosalie.lynch@insightbb.com.  Here is such a story that explains clearly that kids want respect, particularly from their parents.

A 6 year-old boy was having fun helping his dad and mom trim the Christmas tree.  He was having trouble reaching high enough to hang some of the ornaments - so he got a kitchen chair and put a stool on top of the chair.  As he started to climb up his "creation", both of his parents, fearing he was going to fall, yelled at him to get down.  He tried to explain that he was OK and he was not going to fall.  The situation got worst and they took him down off the stool and scolded him for talking back to them.  He was very upset and started yelling at them - they told him to "go to your room until you learn not to talk back to your parents."

Then his mom's mom (Grandma) visited their home around the holidays and the boy took his grandma by the hand and walked her into his bedroom.  He told her the whole story about what had happened.  Grandma said, "honey, you have got to mind your parents and not yell back at them, they do not like that.  They were trying to protect you from getting hurt IF you would have fallen."   He said, "Grandma, they won't listen to me.  I was just trying to tell them that I was OK and not going to fall and they would not listen to me so I had to yell - THEY DON'T RESPECT ME".  Puzzled by his opinion, she asked:  "What do you mean, they don't respect you?" 

He said, "when you respect someone, you have to be quiet and listen to their side of the story and my parents won't do that - they just don't respect me." 

He quickly went into the explanation:  "We are learning resepct, responsibility and resourcefulness at school so I know all about respect.  I was being resourceful in getting the chair and stool to get higher and it is their responsibility that I got mad and yelled because they would not listen to me."  (OK, so that is the thinking of a 6-year old boy - probably doesn't matter if he is right or wrong - he is thinking these thoughts).

Grandma went to her daughter and explained what the boy had said and the kids' mom said, "well, when he starts showing us respect - we will show him respect."  Kind of sounds like a deadlock situtation, doesn' it? 

So, in the mind of a 6 year-old boy, he was being resourceful and thought that would reap him respect from his parents and then low and below, in his mind, it was his parent's responsibility that he yelled at them because they would not listen to him. This particular 6 year-old boy thinks that he should have the respect of his parents?  Is he misinformed?  Did the parents handle this situation the best they could?  Should the grandma keep her mouth shut and not go to the kid's mom? Send your comments and help other parents in handling a similar incident.