The Kids Speak Out

Listen Up The Kids Are Talking

In the fifth series on Listen Up The Kids Are Talking we are going to explore the no-brainer of talking about kids when the kids can hear us.  The kids feel very strongly about this.  Read on.

We talk to our friends and relatives about our kids.  We need to talk to other adults about our kids because it helps!  We get the kids in bed or they are playing quietly and you get in a conversation about the behavior of your kid; I can assure you that one of their ears is listening to what you are saying.  It feels to a kid like it feels to an adult when we hear other people talking behind our backs.  It does not feel good.  Some of the kids have told me that her parents thinks she is asleep and she can hear every word they are saying.  It makes kids sad and insecure.

My grandson said to me one day, "If my parents tell you anything I do wrong - just throw up your hands over your ears and say, "I don't want to hear about it!"  He was trying to protect his reputation with grandma of being a really cool, cute kid.

My point is you have to talk to other adults/spouse about your kids--just make sure they are outside playing or at school so they can not hear you.  They will trust you more.

Listen Up The Kids Are Talking

Our fourth series in Listen Up The Kids Are Talking is about kids' self esteem.  By complimenting a kid you will build self esteem.  The one thing that I have noticed in interviewing kids is their lack of self esteem.

They are insecure little people who need reassurance most days that they are OK.  The "professionals" say don't give too much praise when kids are growing up because they will expect it when the grow up and it is not there.  Do you like praise and compliments?  Of course you do and so do I.  Do we receive much praise and compliments - well, I find them scarce in my life.

Tweens, ages 8-12, do not have much reason to have self esteem when you think about them.  They  have their teeth falling out and growing new ones; they have pimples; they have scars, cuts and boo-boos and do not quite know what to do with their hair.  They can look in the mirror and see that the girls do not look at Hanna Montana and the boys do not look like one of those cute guys.  Physically, it is not a pleasant stage in their life to go through and self esteem is low.  Surveys have determined that the Tweens, because of their low self esteem are attracted to materialistic "stuff"....bright shining objects.  To take the attention off of themselves they pressure their parents, and grandparents, into buying them the latest cell phone, IPod, laptop computers, Wii, XBox and clothes/shoes. 

Why not make a kid feel good and give them a compliment or praise them in something special that they achieve.  By the way, don't make up phony praises - a kid can mark a phony ten miles out.  I don't think they will be spoiled and who knows you may even help them build their self-esteem.  And, as an adult find another adult and give them a compliment - it will make you happy and will make them happy. 

Listen Up The Kids Are Talking

If you ask parents if they enjoy dishing out discipline to their kids, the answer will always be "no" they do not enjoy it.  After all it makes them feel bad and of course it makes the kid feel bad.  You may be surprised at the attitude of some kids toward discipline..keep reading.

When you have to discipline your kid they want to know and understand what they are doing wrong that caused them to be punished.  And as a parent, I am sure you think your kid understands what they did wrong and you don't need to explain it to them....wrong.  Most kids have short term memory and most of the time do not even remember what they did to get your negative reaction.  A yelling match and a spanking on the bottom without a "lesson to be learned" is nothing more than abuse.

The kids think it is the parent's responsibiilty to explain to the kid why they are being disciplined.  I'm not stupid - I am sure the kids will argue that your explanation is stupid and they should not of been punished.  However, if you ask kids (when they are calm and detached from punishment) they will tell you they want to know why did their parents react the way they did by punishing them. 

Kids want to know their boundaries.  When they overstep their boundaries and get disciplined, without a clear understanding as to why, the lesson is not learned and their unacceptable behavior will reoccur.  Kids said they don't mind being disciplined as long as they know the "why".  It just shows respect.

Listen Up The Kids Are Talking

We are continuing our series on Showing Respect to Kids.  The last post was on kids loving to talk.

Kids want their parents to show them courtesy and respect by saying  "thank you" when they do something nice for you and "please" if you want something from them.  In teaching 2-3-4 year old, parents are very discipline in teaching the toddlers to say "thank you" and "please".  It is an important lesson to be taught and an important lesson to be learned.  However, that all seems to drop somewhere in grade school.  Parents are saying "do it because I am your parent and I say so" - not many "will you please do this for me".  The "thank you" seems to disappear as well.  Members of a family think things should be done for them without saying "thank you" if someone does something nice for them.

So parents throw your kids a curve by saying "thank you" and "please" when they deserve it....it may confuse them and wouldn't that be fun?  Being nice to each other in a family is just another way of showing respect.

Our next post will be on disciplining your kid - believe it or not sometimes kids sees this as a sign of respect.

Listen Up The Kids Are Talking

In talking with kids they expect very little from their parents - really!!  I asked them how parents could show them respect.  They were quick to respond.

Kids love to talk and they love to have someone listen to them.  As you sit around the dinner table in the evening, ask your kid "what happened to you today" and "what was the most fun you had today?"  It is important to keep it light.  The parents may have to start by saying "Let me tell you what happened to me today" and "I had the most fun today when I......."  Never ask your kid "how was your day today?"  They will almost always say "fine"...particularly "Tweens", ages 8-12.  If you can tell your kid is having a bad day, then it would be inappropriate to ask "what happend to you today" because they will probably not want to talk about it...they want to forget about it.  You may feel free to create your own creative, positive questions to ask your kids.

Try your best not to "dish" out punishment at the dinner table.  Any punishment connected with food and dining together may bring negative responses in the future for kids.  The family dining table experience should be fun, warm and loving.

Kids do not necessarily want to hear your comments back to them on their experiences - they just want you to listen.  It is a sign of respect.

Kids Having Goals in 2008

Have you made your goals list for 2008 yet?  Do kids make goals list for 2008?  Chances are if they are a "tween" the answer is "yes".  I have received so many ezine newsletters telling us "adults" to get busy and set our goals for 2008 or we will have no direction in our personal and professional lives.  So often we adults have to be reminded what is good for us - such as having a purpose in our live and goals to enhance our living. I doubt if the kids receive these kinds of ezline newsletter and yet some kids do set personal goals all on their own.

I was sitting with a young man this past week who just started taking piano lessons this past year (2007) and he asked me if I wanted to know what his goals were in 2008.  I said, "of course".  He told me he was just finishing up Class A in his piano books and by mid-2008 he was going to finish Class B1 and Class B2 in his piano books.  What a goal for him to achieve.  I do not believe that anyone TOLD this young man to set his piano goals for 2008 - it came to him naturally.

When and how do we adults lose that natural instinct to better ourselves automatically.  One goal we all should have this year is to listen to the kids - they will speak out.  And, chances are we will all learn from and worship the kids who still process the natural instincts that so many of us adults have misplaced.

Have a happy 2008.